Stupid, Stupid SLUMP!
by Aki Midori
Summary: You feel my pain. You feel my agony. You feel my sorrow. Why? Coz you're in a SLUMP, too. Like me.


Stupid SLUMP  
  
aki midori  
  
Genre: Non-sense  
  
Pairing: Aw, come on!   
  
Summary: Are YOU in a SLUMP, you poor writer? Hah, you're not alone!   
  
Warnings: This one has no sense at all. Beware. Flames will go down the drain. I intend no harm to everybody.  
  
BLAH:   
  
This fic aims to save myself from my stupid slump. I don't intend to hurt anybody's feelings, nor do I want to offend anybody. Just writing what happens when I'm in a slump. Not saying it's the same for everybody. Anyway, for those who are interested, enjoy this fic!   
  
Hope I don't get into trouble for this. Just wanna let you guys know what I've been going through for the past few weeks.   
  
Er... not even sure if this is a fic, but hey... I'm in a SLUMP, and this is all I can do for now.   
  
diSCLaiMErS: I'm in a SLUMP. What do you write in disclaimers, anyway?   
  
------------------------------  
  
Stupid SLUMP  
  
*aki types furiously*  
  
And she kept on typing.   
  
And typing.   
  
But what came out on her screen?   
  
Bullshit.   
  
Pure, unadulterated bullshit.   
  
Midori Aki grabbed her hair to its roots and screamed.   
  
What on earth is wrong with this lunatic?   
  
Huh? You don't know?   
  
Why, she's in a SLUMP!   
  
Little nosy girl who peered into aki-chan's laptop: Ne, Aki-neechan, what's a SLUMP?   
  
Aki-chan: The worst thing in the world.   
  
Little nosy who... blah blah blah: But that doesn't explain what a slump is.   
  
Aki-chan: Shuddup.   
  
Little nosy girl yadda yadda: Meanie. *walks out of aki-chan's dark dark room*   
  
Aki-chan: Shi-ne, you stupid SLUMP! *mumbles* And she asks me what a SLUMP is. SLUMP is when you lose the magic, the inspiration to write. Slump is when you get all these wonderful ideas and yet, you couldn't write them down. Slump is when you bite your fingernails till they disappear to kingdom come, but you still won't be able to write a damn passable thing. Slump is when YOU LOSE YOUR LIFE. When you're a writer, that is.   
  
Aki-chan: So what do we do when we're in a slump? Hehehehe... Screw around.   
  
----------------------  
  
Story One:   
  
Rukawa and Sendoh kissing passionately under the infamous Sakura tree, having been reconciled by some friend (I'm in a slump, so I can't name him). They broke up a week ago, but hey, I'm in a slump, so I couldn't write why. Anyway, yeah... they made up and are currently kissing under a Sakura tree.   
  
And then...   
  
And then...   
  
Okay... so what happens next? I dunno. I'm in a SLUMP, remember?   
  
-----------------------  
  
Story Two:   
  
It's Christmas. Rukawa still haven't found the perfect gift for Sendoh because everything's either too girly, too mushy, too cheap, too whatever. I couldn't write any other reason coz I'm in SLUMP. Anyway, see Rukawa now as he pouted cutely, obviously disappointed.   
  
Why?   
  
I think I said he was disappointed because he couldn't find the perfect gift for Sendoh.   
  
But fear not! For there is a great cliche!   
  
'The simplest things are usually the best things'.   
  
So... what am I gonna do with that cliche?   
  
Lemme see...   
  
....  
  
Rukawa buys a dog, names her Fifi and gives her to Sendoh, who is all too delighted to have a yelping mass of overgrown hair.   
  
And they lived happily ever after.   
  
Even Fifi.   
  
------------------------  
  
Story Three:   
  
New Year.   
  
Sendoh and Rukawa are celebrating Rukawa's birthday.   
  
So what?   
  
-----------------------  
  
Story Four:   
  
And they looked into each other's eyes, each one drowning into deep pools of ocean blue.   
  
And then Rukawa crossed his eyes.   
  
Sendoh laughed.   
  
They were happy.   
  
------------------------  
  
Story Five:   
  
Rukawa seethed.   
  
The parrot wouldn't stop yodeling.   
  
Sendoh taught it how to.  
  
------------------------  
  
Story Six:   
  
"Akira..."   
  
"Kaede..."   
  
"Akira..."   
  
"Kaede..."   
  
"Akira..."   
  
"Kaede..."   
  
"Akira..."   
  
"Kaede."   
  
[aki: *shrugs* Just wanted to type their names over and over again].  
  
--------------------------  
  
Story Seven: The Ultimate Angst Fic  
  
"Kaede! I love you! Don't die!"   
  
But he was too late... Rukawa was gone.   
  
And suddenly, Sendoh was alone.   
  
No more Kaede to hug and kiss every morning. No more Kaede to cook breakfasts for. No more Kaede to love... to hold... [yadda yadda. I'm in a SLUMP].   
  
The night was cool, as autumn leaves fell one by one.   
  
A howl was heard- full of pain and anguish.   
  
"Kaedeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"   
  
director: Ok, CUT! That was perfect, Sendoh. Rukawa, scene's over. You can get up now.   
  
*whack*   
  
"Itai! Kaede, that hurts!"   
  
"You didn't have to shout to my ear, you asshole!"   
  
---------------------------  
  
Story Eight:   
  
No more story Eight.   
  
I'm in a SLUMP.   
  
---------------------------  
  
Aki-chan: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Stupid, stupid slump!   
  
*faces everybody*   
  
*slashes throat*  
  
*cue anti-slump jingle*   
  
[background: I love you, you love me, together we can kill SLUMP-Y!]  
  
I hate slumps.   
  
Do you?  
  
*********  
  
o.wa.ri  
  
*********  
  
Can anybody sympathize with me?! *wails*   
  
22 December 2003 


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